long time no see. {ramblings}

For reals, long time.

So long story summed up into 4 words: it has been crazy.

I have so much on my mind and in my heart right now that I need to get it out (and you know, why not do it on a public forum.....)

I am exhausted.

Mentally, physically...emotionally.

I love my students this year, they have been angels compared to some of the (uh hum) heathens I had last year. But in all honestly I love all my kids...so angel or not, they all have a place in my heart.

And I'm beginning to think that might be why I am so tired. On any given day, I have at least 10 students who are not currently in my class come and sit and chat and high five and hug and write on my board and mess with my desk and use my computer and store stuff in my closet and ask for jolly ranchers and need a pencil and......

I love it. I do. Because that means that I did something right by these kids. That they trust me for some reason. That they know that I am still there for them.....

But I also see 152 current students everyday as well. And they want to do all those things also. But I have to educate them, too. But I want to talk to them. But they have to pass TAKS. But we have to move on.....

I have 5 dads this year. It's weird. I am not a parent, but 5 of my guys are fathers. One of my girls is a mom.

I call the students who were lucky to be my first students "my babies." And my babies are graduating this year. I have, I'll admit, on a number of occasions cried when I think about them leaving school.

I have wept.

I have tearfully prayed.

I have encouraged, and scholarshiped, and applied, and checked grades, and recommended, and busted balls, and yelled, and fist bumped, and texted, and FAFSA'ed, and counseled my babies.

I cried on the way home because I am so overwhelmed with my students' lives.

5 dads. 1 mom.

One of my babies thinks she's pregnant.

Another one brought drugs into my car this week when I took him to driver's ed.

Some are being cyber bullied while the others are the bullies.

One is in alternative.

One has dropped out.

One is in and out of jail.

One's mom left her...again.

One's dad wrote her letter saying he has disowned her because she is gay.

I hate to always write about the bad. About the sorrow and the sadness I feel for these kids. But my heart beats for them. I can't wait to talk to them. To see how their day is going. To hug them. To high five them. To teach them. To laugh with them.

But at the same time, all of this has become too much. I am too close with too many and it's too much.

I am overwhelmingly exhausted.

I have resigned my position at my school for the upcoming year. I need a break. I need a regrouping of sorts.

I am sad to leave my students behind but I am glad to be getting away.

So I will be giving it my all these next 9 weeks if it kills me. I gotta make sure that they will be ok when I am not there.

I gotta to make sure they know that I love them.